Please welcome our latest victim guest, Jenni Francis On the metal plate suspended above that puddle by wires is a chocolate fish. Behave and the delicious pink marshmallow fish covered in chocolate won’t end up a goopy mess on the floor.
In the event of an earthquake/zombie plague/or random occupation - you’ll find emergency procedures taped to the bottom of your seat. Yes, just like a flotation device. You’ll also find a Glock 17 with a full magazine.
Remember you cannot reason with zombies and it’s a head shot every time.
A little cool, but thanks for asking ...
1. What’s your favorite type of takeaway? (Yes, that means take-out in NZ speak)
Oh Lordy (you're going to hear a lot of that) I guess ... well I'm usually pretty disappointed with takeout nowadays. So I suppose, a real good kiwi hamburger with beetroot, and good chips - not those horrible soggy ones.
2. Describe your current mental status.
Frazzled - I've climbed out of my warm bed to come down to do this because the husband is snoring.
3. I know how I do what I do … but how do you do what you do?
One word dragged out of me at a time. I know what I want to say, but it doesn't always come out right. So I procrastinate.
4. Could you tell us a little bit about your latest work?
I have two on the go - one almost at the printing stage and one halfway through writing stage. Wouldn't it be nice to have someone come and take the after-the-printing stuff away - but us indie authors just have to keep working - uploading to ebook publishers, (doesn't that sound easy - anyone else done the Smashwords going nuclear, then spending the next month trying to figure out where you went wrong!!). Then there's the distribution and the marketing ....
Oh wait - I didn't tell you about the latest work - I just moaned - well I'm onto book five of a series. It has a working title of Watch Me. But the book coming out soon is called Cold as Ice and is set partly at Whakapapa. Themes are blended families, some kind of unspecified abuse, anorexia and a good rollicking adventure story thrown in. (Nope, I wouldn't read it either).
5. Do you have a favorite coffee or tea?
A good strong espresso with a little sugar to make it syrupy. Or gumboot tea, black. no sugar.
6. Walk us through a typical day. (Do you make sure you’re wearing your lucky underpants before you sit down to write, perhaps you prefer commando? While we’re discussing your underpants, boxers, briefs, or budgie smugglers. Inquiring minds want to know. Yes, that includes my Admins… we don’t piss off the Admins.)
I AM the ADMINS. Old lady bloomers work for me, none of this string up the ..... There is no such thing as a typical day. But if there was one it would go like this. Up at sevenish, walk the dog, back for coffee, a bit of housework, a bit of admin work, a bit of gardening work, a bit of community work, a bit of choir work, a bit of ... you get the picture. Five acres, two businesses, 12 grandchildren and I manage to write 500 words a day. 900 was a record.
7. Tell us about your main character. (How did you first meet? Would you like to hang out with him/her? What delights you the most about writing him/her? You get the idea …)
She is me - I am her. My 12 year old self. Only she is way braver, more sassy and adventurous then I ever was. She stands up to people - I never could do that - I was woolly wussy hopeless.
8. Who are your favorite writers?
Oh Lordy - (there it is again) I love the books of Dick Francis, they are my go-to books when I'm down. But in my bookshelf and in no particular order are - Louis de Bernieres, Fiona Sussman, Witi Ihimaera, Chris Cleave, Wally Lamb, Anthony Capella, Robert Galbraith, and I think Maeve Binchy was wonderful at story telling about ordinary people.
9. Who inspires you to do better? (Be as corny as you’d like… just go for it! Mmmm chocolate fish.)
Ackshully ... I guess the old boy upstairs snoring.
10. Do you ever put pants on your dog, cat, or budgie?
No, but many have gone the dog's way from the washing basket (let's not go there) plus a few smelly socks.
11. Describe your perfect day.
Pretty much as above. Only the dog and I are walking on a beach, he's chasing the rabbits in the sand dunes and we have coffee at a cafe, where he manages to scrounge a second breakfast from the people at the next table. Then it is home for all the above plus an hour reading if I can fit it in. I like to be busy.
12. Who is your favorite fictitious villain? Or are you all about the hero? Who do you love to hate?
Oooh, that guy out of The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo, he was a nasty piece of work.
13. Do you have any quirks?
I like to play Frozen Bubble before I settle down to work. Does that count?
14. All-time favorite movie and why?
It's another Oh Lordy question. Well, I like quirky, (Juno, Strictly Ballroom, Moonrise Kingdom, Life of Brian, The Princess Bride) and darkish but uplifting ones (Life is Beautiful, As it is in Heaven, Gloomy Sunday), plus soooo many more.
15. Do you enjoy the editing process?
16. If you could live anywhere in the world where would it be and why?
Here, nowhere else.
17. Favorite Pizza topping?
Marguerita - tomato, basil, mozzarella
18. What were you before you became a writer?
Wife, mother, teacher, worked in a pharmacy, worked on a photo lab, teacher of deaf children.
19. What is the most random thing you have ever done?
Jumped backwards, blindfolded, off a platform in trees that was about 50 metres high, attached to a harness and rope. Okay, 30 metres. Oh alright 20 metres, but that's as low as I go.
20. If you’re not working, what are you most likely doing?
Ha! See above. Singing.
21. Who is your ultimate character?
Character? or person? Can't answer to fictional character, but Nelson Mandela for a real life character.
22. Whiskey or Bourbon? Red or white wine? Tequila? Beer?
Again, marguerita but with tequila this time and not mozzarella
23. What’s in your pockets? (Or handbag, whatever you carry your stuff in. Are you apocalypse prepared?)
Saw, screwdriver, ruler, (true! all on a dinky little hair clip) also hand sanitiser, wallet, lippy, and a pen that doesn't write.
24. Laptop, PC, Mac, tablet?
PC and Mac
25. Ebook or tree book?
Tree book unless I'm desperate.
26. Favorite apocalyptic scenario?
The Road! Now there's a book I'd forgotten about. Apocalypse with a smidgen of hope.
27. Where do you do most of your writing?
Upstairs in a kind of mezzanine spare room.
28. What’s the hardest thing for you when it comes to being an author? (For me it’s marketing but for others it’s the actual writing …)
Marketing!! All the way! I hate selling myself.
You made it!! Damn, you rock. Now would you like to try for the chocolate fish? Mind the puddles … but hurry. Power surges are common in the dungeon; you don’t want to have one hand on the metal plate containing that delicious chocolate fish and a foot in a puddle...
That laughter you hear is coming from The Knight, he probably won’t flip that switch he has his hand on. Probably … Hahahahahaha
You can find out more about Jenni Francis in the following places ...
And of course in our store!